the annoying thing about meeting new people when you have no friends is that you can't be too quick to judge. because they are, potentially and quite possibly, your only friends for a while.

so you try to focus on the good parts, like how they're funny and nice and not anorexic or potheads.

and you try to not focus on the bad parts, like how half of them smoke and drink a good amount and how one has a piercing on a uniquely male part of his body. (didn't see it, only heard about it)

i cant decide if i want school to start yet or not. ugh. can i just go to college? is that all right?

nevermind. i don't want to apply to college.

can i just get accepted somewhere without an application? is that possible?

Time is an asshole, I've decided. It doesn't sympathize with anyone, it always works against you.

Surprise, surprise: I passed my school's routine entrance exam, unofficially titled (by me) "let's check to make sure you aren't completely retarded".

A year from now i'll be moving into a dorm room. Can't decide whether I'm excited or not. Dorm rooms (at least the ones i've been in at IU and U of I) are really small. I hope I get a good roomie, like one that isn't a stingy conservative, or one that refuses to bath and smokes pot.

Also can't decide whether I want school to start quite yet. I guess about two weeks is a sufficient bit of summer left to be a lazy ass.

And just when I thought my social life was so boring that it needed a dramatic face lift, this whole fiasco happens. Drama just isn't fun, kids. Botox probably isn't fun, either.

Holy mother of God.


Riding a jet ski = riding a mustang x riding a motorcycle + splash water falls.


I almost fell off (my brother nearly dragged me into the water), and then I did fall off. I faced one my greatest fears (swimming in the questionably murky depths of lake water) on accident.

The plus: In my bathing suit, straddling a motorized vehicle of doom, my hair wet and flying like it had a mind of its own (see: Heavenly Sword), I definitely felt like a Bond girl.


P.S.: I saw an Amish carriage today. Three times. Same carriage.

P.P.S.: I also saw an Opera today, Verdi's "La Traviata". I felt very high-society. Also, Moulin Rouge is definitely the exact same story. Who knew.

P.P.P.S.: Shut up, summer reading, just SHUT UP. (shut up, feet, just SHUT UP.)

P.P.P.P.S.: I might get a summer job/internship at Chautauqua next summer, so I would have to live up here for like 9 weeks. Sounds crazy.



Fuck yes for life experiences.

So I went to this huge bookstore today that sold ENORMOUS amounts of books today. They had this one section called "Literature and Classics", and there were these huge, tall, cramped bookshelves with tons of editions of all of these famous books and authors. It was really interesting that when I saw some of these books I actually thought of some of my friends, i.e.:

-I saw a really old copy of "The Prince" that was pretty much falling apart at the seams, and also a small, aged copy of "Candide", and both reminded me of Karenina.

-I saw this beautiful old copy, in good shape, too, of Wuthering Heights, which of course reminded me of Emily :)

-I saw these huge, old books by Homer (Iliad, Odyssey, etc.) and they all reminded me of Brandon.

I ended up buying a 1938 edition of a compilation of Ernest Hemingway short stories! AHH! I love it soo much!! I really enjoyed the ones we read in school, and so I bought it so I could read even more! It has a preface in the beginning that was actually written by Ernest Hemingway! It's really interesting, especially this snippet:

"Reading [the stories] over, the ones I liked the best, outside of those that have achieved some notoriety so that school teachers include them in story collections that their pupils have to buy in story courses, and you are always faintly embarrassed to read them and wonder whether you really wrote them or did you maybe hear them somewhere, are The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber, In Another COuntry, Hills Like White Elephants, A Way You'll Never Be, The Snows of Kilimanjaro, A Clean Well-Lighted Place, and a story called The Light of the World which nobody else ever liked."

I thought that was interesting, but also kind of ironic, because we ended up reading more than half of those in "story collections... in story courses." Heh.

So yeah, just me being a geek. :D

So yeah, just tell me what you think. It's a really rough draft.

Also, WARNING: I am NOT as much of a bitch as I make myself out to be. Mostly it's exaggerated for contrast... But y'know. Just... don't hate me.


((The prompt was to talk about a person who has influenced you.))


This is not creativity. This is not style. This is me talking to you.

Mr. Edler was going to be my English teacher for my Junior year, according to my tentative schedule I received a few months before school began. Edler, another name to slip at the end of a perpetually elongating list of English teachers who were left in shock and awe by my writing ability. It was a routine I had mastered by the first grade: write a paper, let the teacher grade it, act surprised and delighted when the teacher showers me with praise, and then contently bask in a year’s worth of aggrandizement. This year was sure to be no different.

After those famous last words drifted about in my head the entire summer, I strolled into the first day of English with a head the size of a small planet. As I suspected, the first essay I wrote was returned to me with positive comments and a strong suggestion of entering my work in the school’s literary magazine. I could smell a recommendation letter cooking already.

Only a couple months later I heard those fateful letters: NCTE, or the National Committee of Teachers of English. It was a writing contest, a few friends told me casually; you had to be chosen by your English teacher to participate. They pick people for their creativity and individual style, one person added. I was not picked.

It was my first taste of failure, of defeat, and I did not savor it. I had been foolish, churning out half-hearted work to earn undeserved glory. Mr. Edler never gave me above a 94% on a paper. He never referred to me as one of his best students, and he did not choose me for that contest. He made me realize that if I wanted to be a writer, I had to want it with all my body and––now deflated––mind. It was only by hitting the bottom that I could look up see how far away the top really was.

Mr. Edler taught me a lesson I will never forget: I write because it is what I love, and there is nothing more rewarding than that.

Forgot to add two things about the Senior girls I met.

1. They refer to themselves as "Bratz". Yes. As in the slutty pre-teen dolls. Not only that, but each girl has an assigned "Bratz" counterpart.

2. They listen to Hannah Montana. Willingly.

Enough said.

After meeting some new people today (these were Seniors), I've become enlightened about several things:

1. People who live in Pittsford are snobby, anorexic douche-bags.
2. People in Brighton like walking. A lot. Everywhere.
3. If you get average scores on your finals, and your Dad doesn't give you your texting priveleges back, then "FUCK HIM!"
4. Quite frequently (as in three times in five minutes), people enjoy shouting profanities at each other from their cars at people walking on the sidewalk, and vice versa.
5. It is common to sneak into the movie theatre without paying for your ticket.
6. It's hilarious when your friend posted how wasted he got last night on his facebook.
7. It is common to talk about sex and how annoying it is when your parents won't leave you alone with your boyfriend.
8. Cleavage is very acceptable in Brighton. Especially to the point of seeing part of the nipple.
9. Running around in the street, and then shouting at cars for almost hitting you, is common teenage practice.
10. Even girls in New York are in love with Edward Cullen.

I was also enlightened about things at a meeting with my counselor:

1. Brighton High School is great.
2. Really, Brighton High School is really great.
3. I have to take Physics.
4. I also have to be tutored to take New York "regents" exams.
5. The room for the newspaper, although nicer than the one at Warren, smells like a combination of mold, BO, shit, and the worst odor you have ever encountered.

The good news:

1. The auditorium has a balcony.
2. The library (now that I went inside) is two floors, complete with winding staircase.
3. I'm not sitting in my room all day long.
4. I got a 4 on my APUS, a 5 on my AP Lang n Comp, and a 4 on my AP Spanish exams. Yay.

...

Can I come back home now?

i just miss you guys.

Just kidding, it's not that exciting.

I kinda visited my school today. Rather unofficially, though. We walked inside, slapped on some bright yellow "visitor" stickers, and walked around while kids were taking finals. It's definitely an older school, but it's well-kept and has some class. They have a decent library (better than Almond's, but that's not hard), and a band and an orchestra room. We ran into the orchestra director, talked to her for a while, and found out that they "don't do seating" in band...

mmk, what the FUCK!?

How do you NOT do seating in band? Like, it's just one big free-for-all?

No way. That's fucked. I'm not sure what I think about that.

Whatever.

I also turned in some applications. I really want to work at Starbucks, but I think my chances are about 1,000-1.

I already want to kill my brother. I don't know how I'm going to survive much longer.

Miss all of you tremendously.

P.S.: The kids here look like kids from Lake Forest. It's disconcerting.

No joke. We figured out today the neighborhood we live in is called "Bel-Air". That is insanely awesome for a neighborhood that so far could pass for a grave yard.

So, I'm fairly convinced my next-door neighbors are vampires. I have several reasons why:
1. It's very cloudy in Rochester, they wouldn't have to worry about the sun too much.
2. They're blinds are always shut.
3. I haven't seen anyone emerge from that house since I've gotten here.
4. They are the only people that live by us that haven't come over to welcome us.
5. They have a really nice car in the drive way.

My house is pretty cool, but right now it's filled with boxes are there is dust from the construction they're doing in the attic EVERYWHERE. I feel like I need to wear a mask, if not for sanitary reasons then just to look bad-ass.

I'm so happy they set up the internet already. While I could live without sheets on my bed for another day, I DEFINITELY could not live without internet for another day. God, it's an addiction.

I already miss everyone, but I'm trying to distract myself with unpacking and organizing so I don't have to think about back home. Yeah, it definitely doesn't feel like home here. Yet, at least. I feel like I'm putting all of my shit in somebody else's room. Hopefully it'll feel like home soon enough.

I feel like I'm in a really weird limbo right now. I am mostly here, but I feel myself sort of getting ready to step off into a new life. I wanted for the longest time to stay here, and I feel myself here, and it feels totally normal and right, but I don't know. There's this subconscious tug to something new. It's scary, though, because I've never been on the edge of something this unknown. My whole high school career I've been observing and waiting for what will happen in my final year, and now I'm embarking on a year that will be completely unlike what I have prepared for. I knew I would be a drum major with Jenna during band camp, I knew that I would be in the fall play with Trey and Jon, I knew I would force Emily to go to homecoming again, I knew I would have teachers like Mr. Mayne or Ms. Metcalfe, I knew I'd have Senior Lunch and be an Editor in Chief for Scratch Paper, I knew I'd sit first chair with Carianne, I knew I'd cry at State with KS and others, no matter what place we'd get, just because marching band was over, I knew there would be more co-ed sleepovers, I knew there would be more Panera study sessions, I knew there would be more late-night cramming sessions online, I knew there would be more early mornings with speech team, I knew I would try to make Regional Entry again, I knew we would go to Superstate again, I knew I would make Brandon go to Prom with me as my best friend, I knew all of the awards banquets and awards, I knew which ones I'd probably win and which ones other people would win, I knew what teachers I would want to say goodbye to, which ones I'd ask recommendation letters from and which ones I would try to forget for the rest of my life, I knew how people ditched and how I would try to one day, I knew the halls and the routes and the school.

I know nothing about next year. I'm terrified, but ecstatic. I've thought about it and known about it long enough that I can picture myself there, in a house and a town I've only seen once. I can see myself living there, walking around town, sitting in class. I've created a life for myself before I've actually started it, and now I feel like I'm going to walk into a story I've written in my mind.

I think about next year in Brighton all the time, but only because I can't really bear to think about next year in Gurnee.

NO!

Proposterous.

I am NOT incredibly, absolutely, disgustingly excited that a certain someone decided to come to my going away party.

No way.

Actually, I could care less.

>.>

I mean, life really isn't that bad, it's just not that great right now.

I want school to be over so badly, but at the same time I don't want it to end because I know it'll be my last year with all of my friends.

And then I was all depressed when the seniors left, because I know I'll most likely never see some of them again.

And there is just a general grey veil thrown over my life right now. I'm don't really feel happy anymore, and everything I do has a looming sense of finality over it. My stomach hurts all of the time, but I'm never hungry.

And my parents want me to work at this "really good bagel shop", but I don't like bagels.

This just in: Kelsey's life is the same as always!

Her life will see some scattered AP exams, but some eventual sunshine when this school year finally ends.

Meanwhile, in the Empire State, her house is bought and high school investigated. Experts predict a summer job in her future.


(Yeah, I just updated my LJ like a news bulletin. Whatcha gonna do?)

That's how life has been lately. Really long.

But at the same time short, considering my Grandma just passed away Monday and all of her high school friends were at her funeral reminiscing about their glory days.

Are these seriously my glory days?

Anyhow, I have yet to hear a concrete answer back from JCheng concering prom. We talked, and he did say that he really wished he could go, and that he wish he could give me an answer, but his co-interns are being dousche-bags and it's extremely complicated.

But it made me feel better that he was going to ask me... by somehow drawing my attention to my bedroom window where he and others would hold up signs.

I told him that it would DEFINITELY be cool if he still did that. :D

I also miss Karenina. A lot.

Ugh, my stomach hurts.

I should never underestimate how fun it is to hang out with friends. I think I do that too much, and then I spend way too many nights alone in my house trying to figure out what to do with my life. Which is just a waste of time, really. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, anyhow.

I feel like I'm too tired to remember all that transpired, but whatever happened was pretty damn hysterical. (If you do remember stuff, put it in a comment plz.)

That'd be really cool if Eastman suddenly changed it's mind. Then I could just stay here with my friends, spend more nights mindlessly rambling about stupid shit and laughing my ass off. That sounds infinitely better than moving to New York.

So, first off, my paid account expired today. I'm FREAKING out! I'm no longer functioning on 105 icons! Only 10! How will I live!?

Other than that, I had a strange day today because I was sort of crushing on every guy I saw, but in a way that I didn't really care if they reciprocated the feeling. I just get so sick of sitting around waiting for some great guy to come sweep me off my feet, which will most likely never happen. It's nice to smile and laugh without trying to impress someone.

Rob? Crushed on him. His friend Will? Crushed on him. Craig? Crushed on him. Andrew? Crushed on him.

And I don't give a shit what they think.

Playing ultimate frisbee in the school parking lot with the sun setting is incredibly freeing, in case you were wondering.

It's my birthday! Yay!

*party, party, party*

I don't feel a year older, but I guess that's how it always works.

So we "bought" a house in New York. But it's a contingent (sp?) offer, so it's not set in stone. But it's a cool house, so whatevs.

Definitely wrote this on Saturday:

"I hate New York. It's all snowy. I mean, not that Chicago isn't. It's just New York snow tries to be all "cute, upstate country" snow, while Chicago snow knows it's shitty and doesn't try to pathetically disguise itself. All snow is the same; it's all shit. And I never got the whole 'New' naming system. I guess they were super unoriginal. Besides, who are they kidding? Do they think that they're all kinds of better than Old York? They're probably not. I bet Old York is the shit. I hate screaming babies in stores. Wherever you are, it's always loud, unfortunate, and rude. That's why I don't want kids. Even if it's not your fault, people still get pissed at YOU for your baby crying. Obviously you deserve scorn for not having telepathic coaxing powers."

Yeah, I was pretty unhappy with New York. I'm better now, but it's not like I'm excited or anything... Ugh, I don't know.

So, I'm really sad that Speech Team is over for me. I guess I hadn't really braced myself for it... It would've been a lot better if I knew that I was moving all season, so I could know that I really had to kick ass and take names so I could go out with a bang.

I mean, looking at people like Jon and Trey make me feel like I could've tried so much harder and could've done so much better. I don't want to beat myself up about it, but it's true. I know it.

I'm not in the Senior mind-set at all... And I really feel like I should be, or people and memories will just whiz by without my savoring them. It's even worse, too, because it ISN'T my time to be a Senior... I don't want to say goodbye. This may sound horrible, but it also sucks because people know I'm a Junior, and think I'm coming back next year, so I kinda feel like I'll just fall out without notice.

Mainly, though, I just really, really, really don't want to let go of Speech Team. Even though I'm not an actress, and it's not the world to me, it still holds a really dear place in my heart. I don't usually get emotional, so I wasn't like crying or anything at the ceremony, but I just couldn't really take it all in.

I guess there's still the musical/one act.