they always have to end. well, yeah. pretty much always, at this point.

i dont want it to end badly. i really, really dont, but i know it will. and god, how i hate it. it makes me miserable in an oddly disconnected way.

can i just see him and talk to him? just for a little bit? i mean, how much longer can i hold on to it? i almost feel like i should end it now because i'm swept up in the emotions of it all. but, honestly, i'm not strong enough. i just want a few more moments with him, just to be selfish.

and i know however empowered i feel talking to friends, or family, i will never feel that confident in what i should do or want to do when im with him. i'm going to try to keep it together, but it's really difficult. i hate the thought that, if i do go through with it, it will only get worse. a lot worse.